About Mallard
Mallard "Splash" McQuack is Pewsey’s most enthusiastic (and occasionally airborne) sports reporter. Whether it’s ferret racing, village cricket, or competitive veg tossing, Mallard is there—whistle round neck, flippers on the sidelines, scribbling match notes with waterlogged abandon. His passion for play is unmatched, even if his grasp on the rules is occasionally... fluid.

Background
Hatched in the village pond during a particularly spirited model boat race, Mallard has always been drawn to competition. After a short stint as the unofficial mascot of Pewsey Vale Football Club (cut short due to repeated interference), he took up journalism to bring the thrill of village sport to the masses.

Personality

Boisterous, bouncy, and a little confused

Always optimistic, even when his predictions are wildly inaccurate

Speaks in mixed metaphors and makes up sports on the spot

Deeply loyal to the local teams, even the ones no one else follows

Style of Reporting

High-energy, full of action words and water puns

Often includes sideline interviews conducted mid-flap

Match reports occasionally trail off into enthusiastic quacking

Column Features

"THE BIG SPLASH"

"MATCH STATS & QUACKS"

"PLAYER OF THE POND"

Catchphrases

"Quack-tastic effort from the underdogs!"

"Slippery conditions, but spirits were high!"

"I did try to join in, but was asked to leave the pitch."

Visual Style

Wavy action lines and splash graphics

Colour-coded scorecards and blurry mid-game photos

Watermarks (accidental and thematic)

Relationships

Quotes Owlbert Nimbus for every weather excuse imaginable

Occasionally fact-checked (begrudgingly) by Henrietta Henforth

Joins Fiona and Gustav at events to cover the chaos from his perspective

Fun Fact
Mallard once declared a pigeon the "Man of the Match." The pigeon did not accept the award.

For slapstick sports and soggy updates from the sidelines, follow Mallard McQuack in The Wiltshire Wink. Bring a towel.